5 posts tagged “american”
When I check my Hotmail, the odd MSN Today article catches my eye. The other day, I pointed out this hideous monstrosity to Jess...
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/loveandromance/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=6394926>1=32001
And today I saw this...
http://men.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=6750191>1=32001
Either these articles paint an accurate portrait of the average man and woman living in America today, and thus we're the freaks; or they're pandering to a demographic that has been diminishing since the the first half of the last century. I would like to think the latter, but I'm just not sure.
For the record, I do not:
- Play poker with my "buddies". Or with anyone. The closest I get is Solitaire on my mobile phone, and there's no money or piss-weak alcohol involved.
- Talk about the Red Sox, or White Sox, or any other baseball team - because it's about as interesting as me talking about SQL Server queries.
- Get sexually excited by having someone shave me. In fact, I would probably get annoyed about it not being done properly.
- Fart constantly.
- Exist on a diet of beer, steak and lapdances (although that would make me fart constantly).
- Find a girl quoting The Godfather at me a turn-on. In fact, I'd probably call the police.
Tune in next week for my Top Ten Reasons You Should Make Dinner For Your Husband, Fetch Him A Beer And Tolerate His Adultery Like It's 1950 All Over Again.
Dear Jesus,
Please make all the loud douchebags who are already drunk at 2pm die a slow, horrible death.
Amen
The common criticism of Americans from anyone who isn't an American is that a lot of them seem so loud. I know enough Americans (especially as I live in the country) to know that loud Americans are an exception and not a rule, but those exceptions seriously need volume controls.
The wall at the head of our bed is directly adjacent to the bedroom of one of our neighbours who is one such loud American. At all hours of the day, this guy does his country proud by tal- sorry, bellowing at his housemates about the most inane shit. Sometimes, clearly hoarse from all the bellowing, he turns up his really horrible music (usually Snow Patrol or similar).
He makes most of his noise really early on Sunday morning, or late at night on every night except Friday or Saturday - presumably because he is out drinking weak beer and being a douchebag in public on those nights.
Last night, he decided to go for a record. He was bellowing pretty much from the moment I got home at around 8pm. At around 1am, he started singing 'I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor' by Arctic Monkeys - the lyrics, at least, the tune was something of his own creation. I banged on the wall, and his volume reduced slightly for enough time that I could pass out.
At 6am, I awoke with a start. He was still bellowing, and judging from his comments to a housemate, he and his housemate(s) had been awake all night. Stuffing my head between two pillows, I managed to pass out until around 7.30am, when he had stopped. He had managed around 10 hours straight of douchebaggery, if only Norris McWhirter were alive to witness it himself.
Between this cockgobbler and the girls on the bus with mobile phones glued to their ears, the misconception that all Americans are in love with the sound of their own voice is all too easy to believe.
How well does your name Google? Who are you up against? (Celebrities, etc.)
Submitted by Matt Blank.
There are ten pages of results. I appear once in the first twenty results (my LinkedIn profile). There are some American bloggers who share my name (one seems to be super-Catholic), there's some sports guy or other, and a bunch of links that don't really have anything to do with the name.
Show us a picture of where you'd like to live and tell us why you want to live there.
Submitted by Warhead.
I live in Chicago. I moved here to be with Jess, but having spent a lot of time in the city, I've discovered it has merits beyond the presence of the woman I love.
In comparison to London, pros:
- It's cleaner
- Transport is cheaper, faster and more abundant (and air conditioned!)
- The streets are less confusing to navigate
- The people are friendlier
- It's cheaper to eat out, and there are more places to do so
- The pizza and Mexican is far better
- The overall cost of living is generally a lot cheaper
Cons:
- There are lots of Americans
- Decent Indian food is not abundant, nor are decent doner kebabs
- It gets way, way colder
- American TV is retarded
- Tax is not included in the price of goods and a lot of service industry workers rely on tips to survive, so you have to do lots of mental arithmetic wherever you go
- I get blank looks when using common British phrases
